When meeting with biological parents, as they consider making an adoption plan, the number one fear we hear is “I’m afraid they (the adoptive family) won’t stay in contact.”
While we would love to offer the biological parents a pat on the back and assurance that that would never happen, the reality is, it does. Navigating an open adoption relationship is often times cumbersome. Emotions are high on both sides of the table. Sometimes well intentioned lofty promises are made by adoptive parents in the days or hours before the baby is placed with them.
While the intentions are to keep these lines of communication open a sort of “out of sight, out of mind” mantra can easily slip into the routine of adoptive parents, leaving biological parents further heartbroken. Other times the road blocks (homelessness, new phone number, fear, etc) in the biological parents lives make staying connected hard or even impossible.
Open Adoption is work. It’s commitment. It offers a road to beauty and redemption….but that road, hills, valleys, and pot holes, must be traveled, with consistency, by biological parents and adoptive parents, to arrive at a destination that honors everyone and is best for the child.
Open Adoption is ultimately about the child.
There is large misunderstanding in the adoption world that the ultimate purpose of an open adoption is for the mental health and well-being of the biological parents. While this is partly true, and their well-being is extremely important…the reality is the purpose of working towards a healthy open adoption is ultimately for the adopted child. It’s biological parents and adoptive parents coming together for the love of a child…because that was the catalyst for the adoption plan in the first place. The child.
In the end, open adoption is adoptive parents setting aside fears, bringing honor to the decision their child’s biological parents made, and saying “yes” time and again to the needs of the child. It’s biological parents risking triggers and opening wounds that have left scars deeper than their words can articulate for the love of their child. It’s sacrifice, time and again.
And, it’s a road that offers the destination of beauty.
Choosing Hope Adoptions has implemented an “Open Adoption Mediation” program for all open adoption placements.
What does this mean?
Along with an open adoption agreement adoptive parents and biological parents are committing to coming back to the table with Choosing Hope Adoptions 1 year following the adoptive placement, sooner if need be. This will be an opportunity to discuss and listen, together, how the open adoption is
going. What’s going well? What’s not going well? Are there areas of the open adoption plan that need to be adjusted? Are there hurts or areas of mistrust that need to worked through? Are we working towards a relationship that best loves the child?
Agreeing to the Open Adoption Mediation program is a requirement for all adoptive parents entering into an open adoption through a Choosing Hope Adoptions placement. After the first year we will evaluate whether or not to set a meeting for the end of year two. It is our hope that this program offers direction, freedom, and a safe place for all members of the adoption triad, alongside Choosing Hope, to work together for the best interest of all.
“How can I carry my baby for 9 months and then give it away?” We hear this question pretty frequently.
It tends to come from those expecting moms who are finding themselves early in their pregnancy, and often times, considering abortion.
Somewhere, whether a doctor’s office, Pregnancy Resource Clinic, Friend or Family member, someone has suggested an option other than parenting or abortion. Adoption.
The Questions, “How can I carry my baby for 9 months and give it away or give it up,” is a tough question. We find that there isn’t one simple, compact answer. But rather making an adoption plan for your child (or children) means you’ve chosen life for your child. You have made the decision to bless a family with your gift and provided your child with a future filled with hope.
Think of it this way…you aren’t giving up your baby or giving up on your baby. You are making a plan for your baby (or children), because you love them. As their parent, who loves their child, you are making a brave, selfless choice, that you feel is best for them. That’s not giving up. It’s love.
It’s hard, likely the hardest choice you will ever make. But, it’s one done out of the fierce love you have for your child.
We would love to talk. If you have found yourself facing an untimely pregnancy or in a crisis parenting situation send a message or text or give us a call. We are here to listen and guide you in making a parenting plan or an adoption plan.
We can be reached 24/7 phone or text at 937-471- 2954
Adoptive parents, expecting parents, and birth parents have many decisions to make as they begin their journey into the adoption world.
This journey is met with lots of questions, and often times confusion. One of those questions is often times, “Should I use an adoption agency or just an attorney?”
Let us preface this conversation with a couple truths:
One of Choosing Hope Adoptions mantra’s and practices is that adoption should never feel transactional. Adoption should always be relational.
Partnering with an adoption agency sets you up for an adoption journey that is more relational than transactional. At Choosing Hope you are instantly welcomed by our wholistic team approach. We work and serve alongside you. You are met with a team of professionals – Licensed Social Workers, Expecting
Parent Advocates, Agency Director, and Administrative staff that all know the adoption process from the inside out. We gather as a team to pray and work together on each client’s individual needs. Your needs, hopes, and dreams for both you and your child(ren) are our top priority…birth family and
adoptive family alike!
Your long-term HOPES AND DREAMS become our heartbeat for you. We will both guide you and connect you with resources to help you and your family achieve your dreams and meet your needs. It is our hope, whether you are an adoptive parent, expecting parent, or birth parent that our relationship
grows into one that lasts a life time.
Will paper and legal work be a part of the process? Yes, of course. And it will be done very well. But your long term emotional wellbeing is just as important if not more important. We are in it with you for as long as you will allow us to be a part of your life. We hope to call you a friend.
Adoption Agency’s tend to be relational, offer long term care and support, and surround their clients with a team of professionals.
Ohio’s Rules….why agency placement is wise.
In Ohio when a child with special needs is placed through an adoption agency they can qualify for adoption subsidy. Adoption Subsidy is an adoption benefit that includes a medical card and often times a monthly stipend. Adoption subsidy makes it possible for many adoptive parents, who otherwise couldn’t, say YES to adopting a child with special needs. It also assures birth parents that their child with special needs will always have their medical needs covered.
Children with special needs who are placed directly through an attorney, in Ohio, cannot quality for this subsidy. For this reason, we feel strongly that placing through an agency, in the state of Ohio, is in the best interest of all children.
Holler with any other questions you might have on this subject! We’d love to talk.